This just in, Tubie has been found in a storm sewer outside Santa Barbara, Cali next to a dead and partially eaten ET. Police reports say that the malnourished "tube" is expected to make a full recovery. Forensics do not know why the "tube" was dressed up as a human, however, they do believe that Tubie maybe responsible for ET's death. A BMX bike was also found near the scene with a milk crate fastened to the handle bars; police have not linked the bike to the scene though. Tubie has been placed in temporary custody under medical supervision upon further DNA testing. An elderly woman had this to say upon discovering the grisly site, "what kind of pervert eats the ass end of a sick alien?" Odds are Tubie, as some call this piece of PVC piping, will be put away for a long long time.

Tubie is lost

Tubie is lost. Nobody knows where he is. He probably just got lost. It's not like I would take him out behind the warehouse and slowly take a blowtorch to his plastic PVC body. Hopefully we find him soon. Otherwise we don't know what will happen to this company. Someone will need to stand up and run this brand. Whoever could it be? They need to be strong, compassionate, probably Asian, definitely tall, and obviously ridiculously handsome. It'd probably be best if their name begins with an "A" as well. For obvious reasons.

Andy (Brand Director)

All,

OK, not cool guys. Anyone care to tell me just what the hell this blog is all about. I'm going to do a flying jump blog right to somebodies larynx if I don't get some answers soon! Did Andy put you up to this? He's always been jealous. Don't think I haven't noticed the way in which he covets my physique. Somebody better fess up or heads will roll.

Oh BTW, if you don't have plans for the weekend I'm spinning at a new club they just opened down the jersey shore. It should be a pretty sick show, I think the "Dead Milkmen" are getting back together and opening up the show. If you can't make it no big deal, but it would be cool to see some of you guys there.

God of the wheels of steel,
Tubie

the devil has no feet

I saw Tubie push an old lady down in the middle of a crowded mall yesterday. If that wasn't enough he proceeded to give her a wedgy with her Depends under garment. The garment was full of fecal waste which only seemed to anger Tubie. He took the dirty Depends and slapped a baby in the face with it while exiting the mall. I think he was so harsh because he noticed me and wanted me to tell the others here at work of his insanity...

Because Someone Has To Call the shots...

Our HR department has no official file on him, but if you ask Tubie he'll tell you he's calling the shots around here now.

At first we were all very skeptical of this crudely crafted drainage pipe who had been making bold claims to be Red Ledge's heir apparent. Everyone was curious to know more about this dark figure. We needed some answers, but there was just something about Tubie which was inherently intimidating.

Each of us cowered at the thought of approaching him. Finally, Chris stepped forward and bravely volunteered to make the intern confront Tubie. Many of us held our breath with anticipation as we peered from behind cubicle walls. One of us, (Haney), hid out in his car while up-to-the-minute reports of the confrontation were being relayed to him via text message. The intern walked squarely up to Tubie and demand that he reveal more information about his true identity. Nothing. Tubie didn't budge. The intern began shouting and repeatedly poked Tubie with a chopstick that someone had disposed of in a near by trash can after finishing his or her lunch. Still nothing. The shouting, poking and not budging went on for several minutes. None of us had seen anyone, man or sewage pipe, who could withstand such a savage and brutal chopstick poking.

Eventually the crowd dispersed and returned to their work, or their Myspace account. Later that same day we all received an email; it was from Tubie. It simply said...

___________________________________________________________

"All,

As heir apparent I demand that no one speak until they are spoken to first, by me.

Word to your mother,

Tubie, Heir Apparent

AKA: DJ Jammin' on the 1"

____________________________________________________________

Well to bring you up to speed, that email was sent seven weeks ago. The halls of Red Ledge have remained silent. Each day the shimmer of hope grows dimmer that Tubie will one day speak and break our curse of silence. A few of us still hold tight to the dream of yet again being able to hear the person in the cubicle next to us talking on the phone to her boyfriend about what she should get at the deli for lunch because she already had chicken for dinner last night so that's not an option. Until that day comes, we have started a blog to maintain communication and to fill the void of normal inter-personal relationships and human interaction that we all here are so desperately in need of.

Please join along with us until the day when Tubie's tyrannical rein has ceased!